Suicide is never the answer
by happywhitedaisies
Summary: because love is, and that's something he realized too late.


**caution:** i am so amateur, grammar mistakes everywhere and weird metaphors and flashbacks idk just read at your own risk

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><p>Suicide is never the answer.<p>

In Aomine Daiki's eyes, it's not even an option. Why chicken out from life and it's hardships? You overcome challenges, not let them overcome you. Who is so darn stupid and gutless to run away?

"Aomine-kun, don't give up just yet. I still believe in you," an old partner with stoic blue eyes once said.

Yeah. Tetsu is right. All you have to do, is to believe in yourself, believe in another day. You can mope after a loss but you need to stand up with two feet again. You can't just sit around and cry forever. That's just stupid. Tetsu is right. Tetsu is always right somehow. I hate that.

I won't be able to see a bright smile that radiates just quite like the sun, just brighter. No, I can't hug him from the front, the back or the damn fucking side. I can't smell his shampoo and his nice-smelling beauty products. I can't bury my face into his blonde hair nor into the crook of his neck. I can't selfishly mark his neck and admire how the bruises stand out against his pale skin.

I remembered how he smiled at me quite sadly when he won me in a 1-on-1 match. He's that good now. Kise is good at what he does, always. Right- his name. I almost forgot it. I couldn't quite make up his name before but suddenly his name rolls over my tongue quite smoothly- Kise Ryouta. Kise Ryouta Kise Kise... Ryouta.

I'll miss that dude. Honest. That big ball of sunshine just doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants to. If he didn't have the skills to match up with his words, I would've gladly punched him until his skull had a dent. Why brag about something you aren't the best in? Which thick-skinned asshole does that?

Thinking about it again, I'll never go to Maji Burger and eat again. It isn't the same. I wouldn't be able to hear Kise complaining about the need to diet but he ends up ordering a full set with the fries and large soda. Contradictory huh? Yeah, his name does really roll off my tongue quite fluently. If you say his name again and again, it sounds like a beautiful prayer altogether.

I do that, especially on Friday and Saturday night. I'm all covered in sweat and nothing else. Losing my rationality... My mind goes "God, oh fuck- this feels too good" repeatedly. My ears only render a whimpering voice, strained with overwhelming lust and need, "Ah- Ah- Faster, harder, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, ah Daiki" My mouth chanting a prayer- "Kise, Kise, Kise"

It stings to know I can never do that again. I can't tease him by going slow or run my fingers over his sensitive spots. I can't hug him to sleep. There would not be anymore 'Good mornings' or 'Good nights'. I can't call him pet names anymore. He can't even hear my voice anymore dammit.

Why did you do such a foolish thing huh? Why did you make such a rash and stupid decision?

I should just move on.

I really should.

"Leave everything you don't need behind," that was what my mother said when we were about to move to a different apartment. It will be great if I can just stop, drop and walk away. What if I needed everything? Could I have packed them into cardboard boxes and put them on a trolley? It sounds tiring though- having to heave all that boxes everywhere you go.

Nothing is going to be the same when you're gone.

Nothing.

Did you look at Kise? Did you look at his pretty face and watch tears stream down his face? Were you there to carry him to the bed whenever he laid on the sofa and bawled his eyes out? You can't wipe his tears, kiss his tears, kiss him for comfort, kiss him as an apology.

So what's your punishment now Aomine Daiki?

Every night, you are going to watch your beloved cry. He is going to sleep with a box of tissues beside his pillow where you used to rest your head. Every morning, you are going to watch him wake up with puffy eyes and a red nose that makes him look like Rudolph. Every afternoon, you are going to stand beside him and watch over him like some guardian angel but if anything bad ever happens to him, you can't do anything.

Nothing is left tangible anymore.

That's what you get Aomine Daiki.

Rash decisions lead to unwanted consequences.

I thought you knew better.

Kise mouthes "Why?" every single time and you want to reply in the most arrogant tone possible "Why not?" but then you realized you no longer have a voice.

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><p>something i've written but deleted on 138/2013 （/｡＼) i remember deleting it because it was shit but here is to tell you that i am still "alive" and i will be continuing with fanficts! **p/s **aomine died.


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